I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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