New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
