now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't turn off my feet"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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