How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
