I haven't been this sober since birth.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
