Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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