he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
