Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i've created a new STD.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
