you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
