he shaved USA in his pubs
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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