i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
