if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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