I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
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