Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
