I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
