"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
