"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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