My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
