Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
