just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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