so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
