If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
