ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
