Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
