I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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