I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
