Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
