We're facebook friends in real life
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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