Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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