I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
