Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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