I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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