matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
areolas are like halos for boobs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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