well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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