i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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