so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
