Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Randomize
