How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
time to smoke my breakfast
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
