is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
