I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
