my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
