Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
