I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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