ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
