if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
