Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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