Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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