I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
