Sry I called you an 8
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
