4 words: hood of his car
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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