also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
