the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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