We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
