I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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