my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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