seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
