What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
two words...techno handjob
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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