Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
