Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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