why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
