you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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