It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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