You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
