Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
