I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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