I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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