Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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