I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
