so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
