i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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